(Note to reader: This post may be pretty vague as to protect the identity of those I will be writing about…and I’m sorry if my rant offends you, but I’m frustrated and tired of trying. Also, this rant has nothing to do with any one of you- so please don’t feel like it does.)
There are only a couple of people in my life that cause me any stress. Mostly, I consider myself extremely blessed to have such an amazing group of friends and family who support me and encourage me daily. This morning, however, I can’t stop thinking about the few that leave me in almost a constant state of frustration and hurt feelings.
Do any of you have someone in your life that never shows appreciation for hard work you do on their behalf? Or for a well-thought out gift you give? I know that the point of gift giving is NOT about how well or how much the recipient thanks you, but it can be hard to work so hard on something and then have no appreciation shown whatsoever. I am a pleaser; there is no doubt about that. I try hard to give thoughtful, meaningful gifts and I love having the ability to be generous as much as possible.
Until now. I am tired of straining over finding or making the perfect gift for someone, only to have it be set aside without so much as a thank you. I honestly don’t think it would bother me nearly as much if I weren’t already expecting to be disappointed. It’s like I am always hoping that “This time” it will be different. Don’t get me wrong- It’s not like I get upset if I don’t receive a thank you card for a gift given to anyone else. (In fact, I would never expect such a thing- gifts are most fun when they are surprises and my intention is not to receive credit but merely for the excitement of giving someone something I know they will love). (So, please don’t think I’m saying I NEED you to write me a thank you note, that’s not my point at all. Rather, I am saying that I would just like some sort of appreciation from only these certain few…only the ones I know I’ll never get it from. If that makes sense. I know the rest of you appreciate my friendship…).
I think I’m just more upset with myself than anything. I continue to strive and give something I think this person, or persons, will really love and maybe, just maybe, this time they will show some emotion- ANYTHING! So, why do I keep trying? Today I explained it to a coworker as the “Wanting my daddy to love me syndrome”. Instead of focusing extra attention and love on those I know appreciate thoughtfulness and friendship, I keep banging my head against the wall trying to squeeze an ounce of gratitude (or SOMEthing) out of these few.
As I just reread what I had typed so far, it became increasingly clear to me that one of my “love languages” is gift giving. It is pretty evident from what I’m writing that I give gifts as a way of trying to show my love. So, maybe that is why it hurts so much to not get that love in return.
Well, the buck stops here. I am done with that. No, I’m not saying I am casting these people to the curb and out of my life. I am just saying that I am done killing myself trying to win their approval. I want to spend my time and energy on the rest of my friends and family- the ones I already know love me and “approve” of me. I want to “commit random acts of kindness and senseless beauty” on those who will at least smile as I do so. I have been blessed with SO MANY great people and I want to use my time to show them how much they all mean to me. And that includes YOU friend (whoever might be reading this). Today is about YOU! However God can use me to bless our friendship, or brighten your day, so be it! I’m ready!
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11 comments:
WHOO-HOO!!! HELL YEAH!!!!! Finally (I should also add.)
I'm proud of you for writing this! I had a whole blog written out about a frustration with a certain something, and I wimped out and erased it like 2 seconds after I posted. You are AMAZING!!! I bet it feels so much better. Maybe I shall try try again
That is rough.
I can relate, but on both sides.
Many times you try to befriend someone, invite them to an event or even do something simple like greet them---and there is no response.
And on the other side, I still have not thanked everyone (via card) for presents for Cash...I lost so much stuff during our move, one of the things being the gift list from the shower!
In the end, on both sides I see that most of the time it isn't someone trying to be cruel...possibly just numb? Not used to people being kind? having preconceived notions? Or just terribly unorganized like myself. ha.
Thanks Jaime, I knew you would be excited...haha
Jodie, you should do it! There is something freeing about saying what you mean. Especially when I left the people completely nameless. This wasn't about complaining about "so and so", but more about releasing my frustrations and allowing myself to move on. DO IT GIRL!
Jill- the intent of this post was not to make anyone feel any sort of guilt and was in No Way directed toward you, or anyone else who reads this. This also wasn't about whether or not someone sends a Thank You card...There has never been a doubt in my mind that you are appreciative of gifts given and that you are thankful for the friendships in your life. I would venture to say that others feel the same way about you. And while I can agree that the few I referred to are not intending to be Cruel, there is still something to be said about the self-centered natures these people can (sometimes) posess. That is more of what I was getting at. That I need to stop trying and please those who are too self-involved to notice or care.
Edit: "stop tring TO please", not AND please...
Awe, man!!!
i hate that you had to deal with this, especially after the thought and consideration you put into things:O(
some people are so full of themselves that they don't consider anything that someone does for them noteworthy.
and you my dear, are noteworthy!
you spoke to the problem in a classy way, addressing how you would change your part of the situation with out being a jerk. Way to go:O)
i just had to come back and re-read this. i'm living vicariously through this post because I really need to rant on someone / something, but am not able to. (and now that's all cryptic and probably has any of you who read this comment pondering if it's about you. don't worry. it's not. promise.)
Oh dear, I didn't mean specifically me--but I do feel bad especially for people who don't know how thankful I was for giving Cash presents!
And I agree: Down with self-centeredness.
Hi Friend!! :)
So .. I can Relate to this so much to the point where I felt it could have been me writing this!! ha ha & I've decided that I'm done w/ my "special person / people" as well. .. It hasn't been that long (as Daniel reminds me ha ha)but since I stopped doing whatever I was doing (trying to impress them or get more involved in their life & also, I've stopped trying to make them something that they're clearly not) .. it's been .. quite peaceful. :) So I Completely understand how frustrating it is when someone doesn't appreciate things. It's almost like they seem like they Deserve what you gave them & that gets real annoying fast .. especially when it's an actual Surprise!! As you know .. I'm like you when it comes to Giving. I LOVE to see someone else smile! It doesn't even matter what it is .. if I can put a smile on someone's face, it's all worth it. But if there's No smile .. No appreciation .. it leaves you kind of empty handed & almost like, you've been cheated & making you second guess your actions & makes you think .. "Well, maybe that was a wrong thing to give them that surprise?" Which is So Wrong .. these days, everyone Needs the lil' things to get you through the day!! I say all this b/c you (@ least I do) put so much thought into it & get yourself So excited on how much they are going to Love it & then .. Nothing! It's one of those things .. why even Bother. So .. we just need to put our Gift-Giving to other people who appreciates them. :) But .. Maybe give it time & then go back to them? I'm not a big fan of Giving Up on people .. I just like to give them time. But what do I know??? I Always put myself in these stupid situations w/ my "specials" & it always ends up the same!! ha ha I'm a Dork! Love you!
I can very well relate with you on this..it is indeed very painful. More than gifts, it's a mere acknowledgement of our efforts that matters...which sadly most of the people around us fail to understand.
I am so glad I randomly stumbled upon your blog because I feel excatly the same. But I never thought about it the other way, where I disapoint someone because I didn't appreciate or acknowledge their gift enough. And your blog got me thinking. I don't express my happiness or enthusiasm when I get gifts to others even though I expect it from them. Not becuase I don't appreciate it but because I'm a 'closed' person and don't like to express my emotions physically. But I should because it affects other people. Anyway, thank you for enlightening me.
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