Now it is getting harder...

I guess I should recap the last few days of my Couch to 5K training…even though I do not want to relive parts of it. Hopefully I will look back at these posts someday, and say “WOW, Look at how far I have come!” But right now, I am finding it hard to press on.

The first few weeks, honestly, were kind of easy. I am in no way saying that I was in any sort of good physical shape. But, they were short runs. I could force myself to run for 3 and 5 minutes because they were short and I knew they would be over soon. But, as the weeks go on, (obviously) the runs get longer…and I get more scared.

Last Friday was a decent run. It was walk 5, jog 8, walk 5, jog 8. It was the first time I have ever run outside, so that by itself was a new (not so fun) challenge. I had several factors working against me that day. First, I noticed a bunch of school-age girls running the track. It must have been Girls on the Run, a big program in our area, because they even had a table of water set out and teachers at every corner of the track. But, I thought to myself, if these little knee scratchers pass me up, I am going to die. Luckily, that never happened. *sigh of relief*. Next, my outfit was all wrong. It was a breezy, beautiful day and I wore mesh athletic pants and a running top. Well, the pants are a size too big because I like the roominess for lounging and they are the only pair I have, so I had to wear them for running too. So, the pants kept sliding down and the shirt (for the first time ever) kept riding up. I don’t think my midsection was ever actually exposed, but I really hate when clothes Just Meet at the middle, so I was constantly pulling the pants up and the shirt down. Talk about distracting.

On top of all this, I was discouraged right off the bat. As soon as I started running, my knees started hurting (I have Bad knees) and everything felt different. But, I made myself push on. And I did it! I even ran a whole 6 seconds longer on the second 8minute run! I was so proud. (O:

Even with that great run under my belt, the 20 minute run coming up was still daunting to me. I was anxious about it the whole 2 days leading up to it. I didn’t get to do it until Sunday afternoon, which might have added to my issues. (I am usually an early morning jogger- during the week I wake up at 4:30 a.m. to get my run in before getting ready for work. That is SO NOT FUN, but I like to get it out of the way so I can’t come up with excuses later on for why not to do it. And most days, it actually energizes me and I end up having a great day.)

Anyway, I waited until a few hours after lunchtime, hoping to avoid cramping up. It did not go well AT ALL! By 8 or 9 minutes I felt like I was dying, and just knowing I still had 12 minutes to go was like torture. It was then that I realized that the long runs do me in because, unlike the short runs, they won’t be over quickly. I have to keep going and going and going. I made the mistake of turning the TV on while running, hoping it would keep my mind off what I was doing and make time fly by. No such luck, it ended up being a huge distraction- my breathing was off and I just wasn’t focused. Then, I tried to get a sip of water (I’m struggling with a bad cold and cough, so my throat is Always drying out)…and what do you think happened next? I flung my arms in despair and accidentally knocked the safety key off! So, the whole treadmill STOPS. At 12ish minutes, it stops. I am instantly ticked off. Even though I was hating this run, I didn’t want to screw up and not finish. So, I allowed myself 30 seconds of walking, and then ran out another 8 minutes. It was awful. I was so disappointed in myself, I felt like such a failure. I actually went up to the upstairs bathroom, locked the door, and cried in the dark I was so upset. I cried hard. It was a mixture of being so tired from the run, low on sugar and completely angry at myself.

After several minutes, I pulled myself together and got in the shower. I had texted a few of my fellow training buddies and they gave me lots of encouragement. I remembered something my friend Jaime sent me from a comment on her blog. It said something about ‘there will be good runs and bad runs’. This was definitely a bad run. And, in the end, that is what I chalked it up to. It was a bad run, and now it is behind me.

I learned that I have to allow myself be not always be great. Sometimes, I will fail. Sometimes I won’t be able to finish. And that is OK. I can’t beat myself every time I have a bad day. I just need to keep going.

(I kind of lost my train of thought…I had to get a couple things done at work, and now I’m back…I think that is all I wanted to say!)

Oh, and Jaime picked up our totally awesome, matching hot pink running jackets for the Gingerbread 5K! Can't wait to wear it! I have decided that I'm not allowed to wear it until the race. Well, maybe for the week leading up to the race, since those will definitely be outside and I'll be cold. Plus, the last week is all 30 minute runs, so basically, by then I've made it! (O: